January Mussar Dilemma Recap – February 2010
Last month we presented a ‘Mussar Dilemma’, a day to day situation we all have experienced with a Mussar question attached.
You attend a social gathering filled with family. Across the room you see someone you recognize that you haven’t seen in a while. You remember that the last time the two of you spoke there was a minor falling out and then you lost touch.
Here are the options for your response and what Mussar has to say:
(a) look away and pretend you didn’t see the person.
Clearly we know that this option would not be the optimum choice. It creates a falsehood and an action to reinforce the lie. As much as we know this would be the least appropriate response, it’s interesting how many of us opt for this response as the easy way to avoid the entire dilemma.
When it comes to Mussar, the easy way is quite often not the most appropriate.
(b) wait for the person to greet you first and then you’ll respond warmly.
Although this option seems like it would address the situation properly, it is transferring the choice to someone else. Mussar teaches us to choose our own responses, if we hand over the gift of our choice to someone else then we are no longer pushing beyond our limitations.
(c) cross the room and greet the person with a smile.
This option is the most appropriate for the situation. The person in the room is someone you recognize and with whom you have a connection. The awkwardness of the moment should not be the defining point. It is important to remember that everyone should be treated with respect regardless of a previous conflict.
Mussar would encourage you to try and respond with option (c). The next step would be to ask ourselves why it felt so difficult to cross the room and initiate respectful greetings.
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