I recently witnessed something I’d call a ‘Cain and Abel’ moment.

One evening a group of young couples got together with their little kids.  Several of the women in the room were expecting and in some cases it was their second child.

Two little boys were playing with toys in a corner when one of the men came to talk to them.  The man turned to one of the boys and said: ‘I hear you’re going to be a big brother soon.  How exciting!  There’s nothing like having a little brother or sister, you’re going to love being the big brother.”  The little boy smiled.

After the man left, the other little boy turned to his friend and said: ‘I have a little sister – it’s a lot of work – we should talk about it later.’

In the first book of the Bible, Guinessis, God got tired of creating the world, so He took the Sabbath off.  Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree.

Noah’s wife was called Joan of Ark.  Noah built an ark, which the animals came on to in pears.

Lot’s wife was a pillar of salt by day, but a ball of fire by night.

The Jews were a proud people and throughout history they had trouble with the unsympathetic Genitals.

Samson was a strongman who let himself be led astray by a Jezebel like Delilah.

Moses led the Hebrews to the Red Sea, where they made unleavened bread, which is bread made without any ingredients. The Egyptians were all drowned in the dessert.  Afterwards, Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get the Ten Amendments. The First Commandment was when Eve told Adam to eat the apple.  The Fifth Commandment is to humor thy father and mother. The seventh Commandment is thou shalt not admit adultery.

Moses died before he ever reached Canada.  The greatest miracle in the Bible is when Joshua told his son to stand still and he obeyed him.

David was a Hebrew king who fought with the Finklesteins, a race of people who lived in Biblical times.

A teacher once shared with me this story which I felt was perfect to include.

She was teaching her grade 4 class about the midah (attribute) of ‘chesed’ and how important it is to respond to all who are in need  even if it’s inconvenient or they won’t say thank you.

The teacher gave an example of walking home and seeing an animal in the road that had been killed by a car and was lying by the side of the road in a bloody heap.

The teacher hoped to get the response from the children that they would find a phone and call someone to pick up the animal since it was not respectful to have it on the road.  She called on one of the girls to answer what she would do and the girl honestly told her she thinks that she’d throw up.

This is how the Purim story was once told to me by a little girl:

‘Long, long ago in a land far, far away there was a king who lost his wife. He decided he needed a new wife so he sent announcements throughout his kingdom asking that all the fair young maidens come to his palace for a great ball where he would choose his next wife.

‘Long, long ago in a land far, far away there was a king who lost his wife. He decided he needed a new wife so he sent announcements throughout his kingdom asking that all the fair young maidens come to his palace for a great ball where he would choose his next wife.

In a small cottage near the edge of the kingdom lived a young Jewish girl named Esther. Esther was an orphan and she was living with her uncle, Mordecai. Esther spent all her days and most of the night cooking and cleaning and sewing and didn’t have any time to herself. She used to dream of being a princess one day and meeting her prince.

When Esther heard that the king was having a ball she was very sad because she couldn’t go. She had no dress to wear and no way to get to the ball but through a great miracle, Esther not only went to the ball in the most beautiful dress but was chosen by the king to be his new queen.’

And so I give you: Cinderesther

I came across some very sweet things that kids have said about love and I wanted to share them with you. Enjoy!

• “Love is like an avalanche where you have to run for your life.” — John, age 9
• “I think you’re supposed to get shot with an arrow or something, but the rest of it isn’t supposed to be so painful.” — Manuel, age 8
• “No one is sure why it happens, but I heard it has something to do with how you smell. That’s why perfume and deodorant are so popular.” — Mae, age 9
• “On the first date, they just tell each other lies, and that usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date.” — Mike, 10
• “I’m in favor of love as long as it doesn’t happen when Dinosaurs is on television.” — Jill, age 6
• “My mother says to look for a man who is kind. That’s what I’ll do. I’ll find somebody who’s kinda tall and handsome.” — Carolyn, age 8
• “One of you should know how to write a check. Because, even if you have tons of love, there is still going to be a lot of bills.” — Ava, age 8
• “I’m not rushing into being in love. I’m finding fourth grade hard enough.” — Regina, age 10
• “Most men are brainless, so you might have to try more than once to find a live one.” — Angie, age 10
• “A man and a woman promise to go through sickness and illness and diseases together.” — Marlon, age 10
• “[Being] single is better . . . for the simple reason that I wouldn’t want to change no diapers. Of course, if I did get married, I’d figure something out. I’d just phone my mother and have her come over for some coffee and diaper-changing.” — Kirsten, age 10

(the last one is my personal favourite)

A colleague of mine told me that her kids were telling her what they studied at school that day. These are two brothers, one is in middle school and the other is quite young in elementary school. The older son told his mother that he was learning about Oedipus Rex and the Complex and now he’s worried that he won’t be able to find anyone to marry. Neither the son nor his mother said anything else about it.

At that point the younger son entered the conversation and said: ‘I don’t know who this Oedipus guy is but I’m not worried one bit about who I’m going to marry. When I grow up I’m going to marry mommy!’

Need we say more?

Two young brothers were sitting at the dinner table enjoying some cake for dessert.  They both wanted seconds, but there was only one piece of cake left.  They began to argue over who should get the last piece…
The mother decided it was a good moment to teach them about chesed and offering a treat to the other person even if you want it.  She interrupted the boys’ argument and told them that a righteous person, a Tzadik, would offer the piece to the other person.
One of the boys turned to his brother and said, ‘David, I would like to offer for you to be the Tzadik first.’

A woman was waiting in a bank with her daughter, a preschool student at a Jewish school. The line-up was long and the woman was trying to watch her daughter while filling out the proper banking slips as they progressed through line. She glanced up from the bank slip and noticed her daughter was no longer standing at her side.

Immediately the woman began to scan the people around looking for her daughter and within seconds her eyes found the little girl. The young preschooler was standing at the bank counter next to an old Chassidic man being served by the teller. The old Chassid, dressed in long black coat and black hat with a long white beard was busy talking to the teller. He didn’t notice that the little girl was standing straight and tall right next to him and in her proudest voice was singing ‘Hatikvah’.

There are wonderful collections of children’s prayers written to God which give us lovely moments.  I’m always fascinated by the fact that children will begin their prayers with “Dear God” and end with “Yours truly” or “Sincerely” followed by their name.  As a teacher I always wonder if we really have a handle on the ‘all-knowing’ thing.

One of these prayer notes that I’ve seen struck me as particularly powerful.  It began “Dear God” and continued by thanking God for the new baby brother his parents brought home.  The final line of the letter reminded God that what he really asked for was a puppy.

We should never underestimate the value of an honest prayer.

A mother was looking forward to coming into town for Pesach with her husband and their 3 little children. She had spent weeks preparing her children for the special Seder they were going to attend with the whole family and the wonderful food they were going to eat and all the songs they were going to sing.

Since she herself had not been in town for years, she forgot that most of the family was now somewhat elderly and she was the only one at the Seder with small children. She told me she completely underestimated how long the Seder would take.

The evening started well enough with lots of smiles. Once everyone sat down, the mother sat with the adults while her children were seated at ‘the kid’s table’. As time went by, the mother was keenly aware of all the noise coming from the kid’s table and she was trying to quietly shush her children and encourage patience.

It was clear the kids were not going to be able to sit quietly for much longer. The mother went over to them and (she admits, regrettably, being somewhat frazzled) she scolded her children and told them she doesn’t want to hear another sound from them. This is Pesach, she reminded them, and children are only supposed to ask questions at the Seder, not make noise.

The children were feeling bad and sat quietly with their heads down. This lasted for about 5 minutes when one child raised her head and asked a question directed at the adults: “Are we out yet?” When the mother asked what she meant, the daughter replied: “From Egypt, are we out yet?” The mother answered that they hadn’t reached that part yet.

For the next 15 minutes the children asked the adults every few minutes: “Are we out yet?”

One of the elderly relatives turned to the kids and said “if you ask me that one more time, I’m turning this caravan around and heading right back to Egypt!”

The children were silent, the elderly man turned back to the table and broke into a huge smile.