Rachael Posted:

A few days ago I saw the movie “The Adjustment Bureau” starring Matt Damon and Emily Blunt.  I liked the movie because it was fun and not the thriller/chaser/blood & guts film you might expect.

For anyone who hasn’t seen the movie and wants to, please stop reading now because I’m going to discuss some of the core ideas.

The movie plays with the idea that there are many levels of ‘messengers’ or ‘agents’ who do the bidding of a higher power called ‘The Chairman’.  For every person there is a plan and these agents make sure that we are all staying on our plan because chance circumstances can sometimes derail things.  It’s a great concept to play with even to the point of having someone trip and fall which delays them just those few seconds needed to miss a bus etc. etc.

The bump in the plan is when the two heroes are determined to be together even though they’re not supposed to be.  The movie raises the question of whether or not you can change your plan.  After the movie I had a fantastic discussion about the Jewish themes that weave throughout the movie.  The concept of ‘angels‘ or ‘agents’ follows a Jewish thread but most importantly, the idea that determination and genuine heartfelt commitment can indeed change our fates, our ‘plans’.

That is the essence of Yom Kippur, the Day of Atonement.  The idea that there is a destiny drafted for each of us but that we can effect that draft before it is sealed.  We are in part the creators of our own destinies.  That’s why Judaism says we should choose every action we take and not allow things to ‘just happen’.

I definitely recommend the movie. �

Posted by Rachael:

Shavuot is just a few hours away and I’m really looking forward to it. I’m not exactly looking forward to the spirituality of it or the meaningfulness of the Jewish people accepting the Torah (though we know how beautiful and meaningful that part is) but at this moment in time, I’m really looking forward to spending good time with family and friends. It’s been a tough few weeks in my house. The kids at school have just gone through the ‘crunch’ time with their classes – 1500 things assigned and all due today by 2 pm. It’s been weeks of anxiety, sweat, all nighters and meltdowns. On more than one occasion I laid down on the couch with one or another of my children lying in my arms crying…as I said, I’m really looking forward to Shavuot.

Aside from the rest and recovery, there’s a game I’m planning to play with the family that should allow for some good Jewish speculation as well as some wholesome venting. It’s called: ‘Why do you think God -’ and you play it by having to finish that sentence. There are no limits applied to the context or idea used to finish the sentence and everyone around is welcome to offer an explanation to your question.

But even playing this game, a small part of me wonders if in the wee wee hours of the night on Shavuot, I won’t wondering if God is sitting in the Divine Realms with the angels all around playing the game: ‘Why do you think people -’

Have a great Shavuot!

Rachael posted:

Wow, it’s Pesach prep again. I feel like I was just blogging about Pesach prep.  I don’t mark the year by when the school year begins for my kids, or by my birthday or any of the usual markers, but somehow when it’s Pesach prep I can’t believe that a whole year has gone by.

I also know Pesach is getting close because everyone I speak to has asked me if I’m ready for Pesach yet.  Every time I get asked that question I get a pang of panic flash through my stomach.  Then my head kicks into the conversation and reminds me that there is still a full week to complete the job.  I think the question ‘are you ready for Pesach yet?’ should be in the same category as ‘hot enough for you?’ or ‘so when is that baby due?’  All of these questions have no correct answer to them.

For instance, ‘am I ready for Pesach?’ is always answered with ‘no’.  I can guarantee that I’m never ready for Pesach, there will always be one more thing I could have done, one more wipe of a cabinet, one more shopping trip, one more dish to prepare, one more SOMETHING. So, no, I’m never ready.  I think I can also confidently answer the question about the heat with a resounding ‘yes’.  Yes it is hot enough for me.  I am not a heat loving person.  Because I’m fair I have to stay out of the sun and you can’t solve the heat.  When it’s cold you can always put on another layer but when it’s hot, well, there’s only so much you can take off.  While we’re on the subject…the baby is due when it’s ready.

Phew, I feel so much better.  Sorry for the rant but I have to release some nervous Pesach prep anxiety.  So when I go home today I will try my best to see my house as my lovely home rather than seeing it as one, big, giant cookie box.  I’m sure the holiday will be beautiful and I’m also sure that once Pesach is done, within the blink of an eye, it’ll be Pesach prep again.

Chag Samaiyach

A few weeks ago I went shopping with my 10 year old daughter. We were walking through the store and she was pointing out all kinds of things she’d like to have. This was very unusual behaviour since our family has a pretty well understood shopping etiquette. We can admire things in the store without necessarily wishing to have them. If there is something special the kids would like to have then we negotiate chores and extra duties. That’s not what she was doing. She was pointing at things and saying she’d like to have them – pajamas, toys, candy, – all kinds of things.

It struck me that her behaviour was much more informed by the Christmas media than by our family values so I decided to play it out. “I have a great idea!” I said, “I’ll get you that for Christmas!” She immediately stopped walking, was quiet, then looked at me and said: “When is it ever going to be our Christmas?” I just smiled at which point she said, “That’s not funny.”

For the last few weeks, every time an extraordinary request is made within the family we all simply say, ‘I’ll get you that for Christmas’, or ‘sounds good for Christmas Eve.’

Within a Jewish household, it’s added a whole new meaning to Christmas.

Happy Holidays everyone!

In this video reflection, Rachael talks about this week’s Torah Portion, Parshat Korach. This Parsha begins with an Israelite named Korach, stirring up a rebellion against Moses and his leadership and ends with Korach’s coup being spoiled by a little ‘Divine Intervention.’ Find out what happens.

RACHAEL posted:

Today was a difficult day.  I attended the funeral of a student of mine.  This woman had studied with me for years – I met her when she was already a grandmother and had set aside time to study Torah.  She was quirky, eccentric at times, always smiling.   She was insightful, passionate about Torah concepts – though perhaps this passion may have led her to occasional impatience with fellow students.

To attend this woman’s funeral, I had to cancel a Torah class.  We are nearing the end of our course in Women & Prayer and the students have been immersed in this study for almost a year and we are now entering the Modern Era of tracking Jewish women and their prayers.  I understand the excitement, I understand the passion-  but I was a bit taken aback when I received an email from a student criticizing my decision to cancel.  This woman is equally passionate about her learning and I assume it is this passion that lead to the unfortunate email.

It’s always hard to attend a funeral.  Whether or not I was close to the person who has died, I am always touched deeply with the loss expressed by the mourners.  Maybe that’s the sadness I feel…or maybe the sadness is remembering a woman whose passion for Torah lead to impatience with others and another woman whose passion for learning lead to an expression of insensitivity toward a fellow student.

I can’t help but think of the blessing that is said in the morning to cover all our Jewish learning that day: ‘Blessed is God…Who commanded us to engage actively with the words of Torah’ – passion with a behavioural outcome.

It’s been a very interesting month at Rachael’s Centre with both highs and some lows.  We are in the process of moving our website, RachaelsCentre.org, between companies.  A wide world of web technology that I use everyday but never bothered to wonder about that fearful question: how does this stuff really work?  Like most technology in my life (I must admit, including the can opener and my clock), I easily benefit from them daily but never bother to learn what makes them do what they do.  The high points of all of this have been learning an enormous amount about cyberspace, internet, global communicating and how it works.  The low parts have been, as usual, I learn about it when something goes wrong.

We haven’t had access to add many videos to our website so I had a crash course in how we’ve been adding videos all along.  We haven’t been able to edit and make corrections to things and…again…crash course.

I believe we are at the end of the ‘moving’ journey and everything should return to normal very soon but I’d like to apologize to those visitors on our website for not having our usual growth of materials these last few weeks.  Probably the greatest moment of learning for me was concluding that moving your ‘home’ on the internet is just as stressful and just as loaded with unexpected dilemmas as moving your home in the real world.

Thank you to everyone for your patience and to everyone on my Team at Rachael’s Centre, thanks for adding what was needed to complete our cyber-move.

Word to the wise – the cyber couch is just as heavy as the real one is…

(This message was originally published in our monthly newsletter. If you would like to be added to our newsletter list, click here to subscribe)

Tu Bishvat is right around the corner – this weekend to be exact.  I’m watching the snow fall and the temperature hover around -15C and I can’t say I’m in a very ‘happy birthday trees’ mood.

This week alone I had 3 of my children home with the flu and my husband suspected every tickle in his nose… Last night I got an email from my sons’ school informing us that within 5 days they will be moving downtown creating a 1.5 hour commute (one way) for my sons – 3 hours every day back and forth.  To deal with this I needed to cancel one of the ongoing Mussar groups that meets weekly.  Half my office is heated while the other half has a less efficient system so ultimately right now we can choose to sit in a t-shirt or file papers in our coats and mitts – ok, maybe not that bad but it feels that bad…

Anyone wishing a tree a happy birthday yet?

And then I realized how easy it is to just put off the Jewish stuff.  It’s only trees, right?  I mean, Rosh Hashannah, Yom Kippur, Pesach – that’s major Jewishness, but trees??  How easy to just lose myself in fixing vents, finding schools and chicken souping a cold.  But ultimately, I don’t want to choose being the person who copes and bandaids.

Being Jewish in every moment means I can choose meaning over chores.  Not to say I won’t fix the vents or find the schools but now I am motivated to do that so I get them out of the way because understanding Tu Bishvat, celebrating nature and trees, reminding myself of my place within the whole – that’s way beyond the chicken soup.

So on Tu Bishvat I will indeed stand outside, heavily layered in winter clothing, lean on a tree, close my eyes and think of Torah and Trees of Knowledge and Trees of Life. Genesis clearly tells us that within hours of creation, we headed to a tree and changed the world forever.  We’re forever connected to the trees, it’s probably worth a thought one day a year.

Have a great Tu Bishvat!

You attend a social gathering filled with family.  Across the room you see someone you recognize that you haven’t seen in a while.  You remember that the last time the two of you spoke there was a minor falling out and then you lost touch.

You could:
-       cross the room and greet the person with a smile
-       wait for the person to greet you first and then you will respond warmly
-       pretend you didn’t see the person

What would you do? Share your opinion and leave a comment.

Last month we presented a ‘Mussar Dilemma’, a day to day situation we all have experienced with a Mussar question attached.

While checking out at the supermarket, the person in front of you continuously delays you by running back into the aisles to pick up just a few forgotten items.  Although you have nothing scheduled for afterwards, you are getting annoyed at the ongoing delay.

I offer food for thought from a Mussar perspective:

There are 2 different things to consider at this moment.  The first thing is your reaction outwardly to either the cashier or the person shopping.  The second thing to consider is your growing internal feeling of impatience and annoyance even though you have no pressing deadline.

Option 1: Complain to the cashier while the shopper has run back into the store.
Although it is understandable why someone might opt for this, it would obviously involve speaking of someone behind their back.

Option 2:  Tell the person delaying you that you are in a hurry, even though you are not.
This option might well bring about an apology and a change of behaviour (best case) but it is clearly based on an untruth.

Option 3: Tell the person delaying you that you would appreciate if they would finish all their shopping before going to the cashier.
This person will likely feel awkward and embarrassed.  Since Judaism takes this very seriously, you’d need a strong purpose for publicly chastising someone.  Since the purpose is to vent your frustration, Mussar would question choosing to make yourself feel better by making someone else feel badly.

Option 4: Subtly change to another cashier.
By choosing a different cashier you are effectively changing your environment.  Environments and events speak to us as powerfully as do people and sometimes a subtle change in environment is just the choice that fits the moment.

Mandatory Option 5:  Address your frustration
Mussar would now strongly recommend that you explore the frustration and irritation you experienced.  With no deadline at stake, why were you so annoyed by the delay?